AUSTRALIAN EYES ON AMERICA
There’s a phrase I’ve heard quite a bit since moving to America that, even after eight years, I still don’t quite know what to do with.
“I appreciate you.”
It sounds nice. It is nice.
Well, probably.
But every time I hear it, the Australian in me still has the same reaction.
You appreciate me?
What have I done?
“Thank you,” I understand. “Thanks, mate.” Easy. “Cheers, mate.” Even easier.
But “I appreciate you”? Yeah, we’ve only just met. Where exactly is this going?
The One Word That Changes Everything
Before moving to the United States, my family and I came here on vacation quite a lot. Every now and then, I’d hear someone say “I appreciate you.”
Once I actually moved here and started living and working among Americans every day, I heard it much more often, especially here in the South.
Someone does some work at your house. You pay them.
“I appreciate you.”
You help a client sort something out at work.
“I appreciate you.”
To the person saying it, there may be nothing particularly remarkable about the exchange.
To my Australian ears, it sounds surprisingly personal.
If an Aussie mate of mine suddenly looked me directly in the eyes and said, “Mike, I appreciate you,” I’d immediately become suspicious.
What do you want?
Or are you taking the piss?
Australians aren’t short of ways to express gratitude. We say “thanks,” “cheers, mate,” “you didn’t need to do that,” and plenty of other variations.
I also say “I appreciate that” all the time. And that, I think, is where this gets interesting.
I Appreciate That. Not Necessarily You.
When my daughters were younger, I remember trying to get groceries out to the car while pushing a pram.
You’ve got shopping bags. You’ve got a baby. Another child who has suddenly decided that the opposite direction is the only direction worth travelling in.
Every now and then, someone would offer to help.
“Oh, thank you. I really appreciate that.”
Perfectly natural.
But notice that final word.
That.
I appreciate the thing you did.
Change one little word and suddenly it becomes:
“I appreciate you.”
Now you’re appreciating me.
That sounds different. At least it does to me.
Apparently, I’m Not the Only One
I went looking online to see whether this was simply another case of me living in America for eight years and somehow misunderstanding everybody.
Wouldn’t be the first time.
It turns out people are surprisingly divided over “I appreciate you.”
Some love the expression precisely because it moves the gratitude away from the act and toward the person. “Thank you” acknowledges what somebody did. “I appreciate you” acknowledges the person who did it.
Which…
Okay.
That’s actually pretty nice.
Damn it.
I was hoping this would be easier.
Other people hear exactly what I hear. To them, it can sound too personal or even slightly intimate for a brief interaction with someone they barely know.
People even Google whether “I appreciate you” is flirting.
That makes me laugh because nobody is sitting at home at midnight searching:
Cashier said thank you. Does she want me?
Change the exchange to “I appreciate you,” though, and suddenly someone is wondering:
Hang on. What did she mean by that? Should I go back tomorrow?
Mate, she was being nice.
Leave the poor woman alone.
Still, the fact that the question gets asked tells us something. “I appreciate it” doesn’t seem to create the same confusion. Neither does “I appreciate that.” It’s you that changes the feeling.
Why “I Appreciate You” Sounds Southern to Me
For a long time, I assumed this was simply an American expression.
Then I realised my sample might be slightly skewed.
I’ve spent most of my American life in the South. “I appreciate you,” including the more Southern sounding “‘preciate ya,” has long been associated particularly associated with Southern speech.
That doesn’t mean people elsewhere don’t say it. They absolutely do.
So before somebody in Wisconsin starts furiously typing, “I HAVE APPRECIATED PEOPLE SINCE 1987,” I’m not suggesting the South owns appreciation.
It’s simply where I’ve really noticed it.
And when I think about Southern conversation, the expression makes sense.
People here can make remarkably small interactions feel personal. It’s one of the things that surprised me after moving here: Americans will talk to complete strangers.
You can be standing in a supermarket and suddenly find yourself talking to somebody you’ve never met about barbecue, the weather, their knee replacement and where their daughter went to college.
You only wanted milk. Twenty minutes later, you’re practically family.
Maybe “I appreciate you” belongs in that same world.
It’s a little warmer than the interaction actually requires.
The bloke fixing your air conditioner isn’t just the bloke fixing your air conditioner.
He’s Dave.
How’s your mum?
Did your son win his baseball game?
Here’s your cheque.
I appreciate you.
The Australian version might simply be:
Same affection.
Considerably fewer syllables. Efficiency.
But Do People Actually Mean It?
There’s another part of the expression that interests me.
Once something becomes a phrase people use automatically, does it still carry its literal meaning?
If someone says “I appreciate you” to every customer who walks through the door, do they genuinely appreciate every single one of them?
Yeah, probably not.
Sometimes it may simply be verbal furniture. It sounds nice, fills the space and signals that an interaction has gone well.
We all do this.
“How are you?”
“Good, how are you?”
Nobody wants the actual answer.
“Well, since you’ve asked, my back’s playing up, the cat threw up at three this morning and I’m questioning several major decisions I’ve made since 1997.”
No.
“Good.”
“I appreciate you” can work the same way. Sometimes it may simply mean “thanks,” “have a good one,” or “we’re finished here.” But sometimes it means considerably more.
The Time I Knew They Meant It
I spent many years working in banking, and I heard “I appreciate you” from clients fairly regularly.
Usually it was simply part of the relationship.
They’d say, “I appreciate you.”
I’d respond, “No problem” or “No worries.”
Someone offers me direct praise and apparently my Australian instinct is to immediately knock it down three levels.
No worries.
But I remember one situation involving a complicated deceased estate.
Those situations can be difficult. There are documents everywhere, accounts that need sorting out and procedures that have to be followed.
Meanwhile, the people you’re helping haven’t developed a sudden passionate interest in banking paperwork.
Somebody has died.
I worked through everything with the family and eventually got it finalised.
They told me:
“I appreciate you.”
That one felt different.
I knew exactly what they meant.
They weren’t thanking me for processing some paperwork. They were saying:
You helped us through this.
In that moment, “I appreciate you” said something that “thanks” couldn’t quite say.
Which is where my entire argument falls apart.
Very inconvenient.
Maybe the reason the expression can make me uncomfortable is also the reason it can be so effective.
It is personal. That’s the point.
Did Ted Lasso Have Something to Do With It?
There is one other possible culprit in the wider popularity of “I appreciate you.”
Ted Lasso. The show certainly didn’t invent the expression. People in the American South were using it long before Ted wandered into Richmond with a moustache and an alarming amount of emotional stability.
But some viewers have said they started using “I appreciate you” after hearing Ted say it.
Which makes perfect sense.
You’ve got this relentlessly optimistic American bloke wandering around England telling people he appreciates them.
The British are presumably thinking:
Please stop.
But the expression fits Ted because his whole character is built around making interactions personal. He notices people. He acknowledges them. “I appreciate you” does exactly that.
I Still Can’t Bring Myself to Say It
After eight years in America, I’ve picked up plenty of American language without even noticing.
“I appreciate you” has never made the journey.
Somebody could do something wonderful for me and I’d happily say:
“Mate, thank you. I really appreciate that.”
That sounds like me.
“I appreciate you”?
I feel like there should be soft music.
Maybe a candle.
At the very least, someone’s buying dinner.
But I understand the expression better than I did when I first started hearing it.
Sometimes it’s simply another way of saying thank you.
Even a habit.
Sometimes it means exactly what it says.
And perhaps that’s one of the things I’ve come to appreciate about living in America, especially here in the South. There’s often a willingness to add a little warmth to an interaction that doesn’t strictly require it.
“Have a blessed day.”
“Y’all come back.”
“You be safe.”
“I appreciate you.”
My Australian side still hears those last three words very literally.
The person saying them might simply mean:
“Thanks, mate.”
Just with considerably more emotional paperwork.
I still don’t think I’m going to start saying it.
I’d get halfway through and lose my nerve.
“I apprecia… cheers, mate.”
There we go. Back on familiar ground.
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